How long does it take? When will a man be ‘fixed’?

Finishing  Strong (FS)  is a 365 and 24/7 process, not an event. Men have caused much damage to themselves, their spouse, and others. Healing takes time. Each man is different not only in the amount of damage, depth of sin, and length of sin and the corresponding consequences that he has caused by his destructive sexual sin but also in his commitment to doing the work necessary to get healthy. FS is not 5 easy steps. FS has not found the ‘magic pill’ nor is FS the ‘magic pill’.

Does Finishing Strong work?

NO. It is totally up to the man if any change is to be made in his life. He owns his own recovery. His recovery will proceed based upon his commitment to the journey and his use of the tools that are provided. Sexual addiction and sexual sin are powerful. It will take tremendous effort on his part of going to meetings, seeing a counselor, reading recovery literature, using the tools of recovery, and his surrender to Jesus. FS creates a safe, grace based place for men to experience healing but a man’s progress in healing is up to him.

Is FS an accountability group?

NO. FS doesn’t hold men accountable. Accountability seeks to change behavior. FS seeks to provide a place and a process to allow a man to change from the inside out. FS seeks accessibility to a man’s heart. Only true heart change will change a man from the inside out. Men will be provided with Biblical truth that can change their head and their heart but it is up to them how they respond. In order to avoid isolation, the recovery group creates a safe environment for healing.

What happens during a group meeting?

There are three components for a good recovery group:

  1. The content of information in topics and toolboxes that helps change thinking.
  2. Confession of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that influence emotions.
  3. Community that gets built with like-minded men to impact him relationally.

All three components are part of every meeting and are essential to recovery.

Can a man share the FS guidebook with his spouse/date?

YES. He may share any of the topics and toolboxes. He cannot share names of individuals who attend his group or what those men share at a meeting.

What does FS do for the marriage/dating relationship?

In order for trust to be built in a dating relationship or rebuilt in a marriage, the man must become trustworthy rather than a liar and a deceiver.  FS provides an environment for a man to develop personal integrity by first changing inwardly and then in his actions. Trust can only be rebuilt by consistent godly action over a period of time. FS’s emphasis is on the man and getting him healthy so he can be a godly partner in any relationship.

What can a spouse do?

A wife needs to know that she did not cause her husband to choose destructive sexual behavior. She needs to know that she cannot control him or his actions. She cannot cure him. Only he can help himself. A wife can be supportive of her husband’s healing. She needs to be on his recovery team but she cannot be his accountability partner nor can she be his policeman. She can pray for both him and herself. She can make sure that other events are not scheduled on his meeting night when other times are available. A wife has the right to heal and should seek healing.  She deserves healing for herself. She has the right to grieve. She has suffered a tremendous loss. She needs to find a counselor and a group so she knows she is not alone and can get help for her healing.  The ‘For Wives’ section of the finishingstrong.info website contains some resources.

Is FS spiritual?

Yes. No long term change in a man’s life will happen without the Word of God and the Spirit of God. FS is not just about ceasing destructive sexual sin but it also emphasizes how to develop intimacy with God and others, how to live the abundant Christian life and how to become like Christ.  Sexual addiction is not about sex, it is about intimacy. Intimacy begins with a closeness to God through His Son Jesus Christ.

Why can’t a man just stop?

Any recovery from an addiction and a habitual sin requires time and effort. Old habits have to be replaced with new habits. Old ways of thinking have to be replaced with right thinking. Old feelings need to be replaced with a choice not to be controlled by negative emotions. Lasting change takes time.